Retrospection Period

The last week, begining on June 23rd and ending on July 1st, has been a rolla-coaster ride of emotions. A sin cos graph. There has been highs, lows, the averages and a whole lot of thinking. Friday{June 23rd} started with a bang. Went out – met a whole lot of friends{ I am back in Sri Lanka after nearly 5 years}, got piss drunk, met some wonderful young ladies and was just amazed at how the nightlife had changed here. Saturday was the average day – Nothing happened. Sunday was probably one of the most painful days of my life – My grandmother {father’s mother} passed away. I have not had anyone as close as her pass away before, and this was the first time that I was going to become actively involved in a funeral. Seeing my parents cry, along with my aunts, grandfather was a sight I wish I had truly missed and longed to get a plane ticket to get away from this island. Later I realized that this was something that I needed to go through. I am used to sad times but ones where I can become aggressive to counter-attack those sad/bad times. This was a time where I couldn’t counter attack- I had to grieve and make myself human again. Watching the England-Sweden game on Sunday was the least of my worries.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday – marked the ceremonies to celebrate my grandmother’s life. As someone put it, I hope my father had no regrets. Seems like people only think about regrets after a person passes away. I have made it a point to ensure that I do not wait till the last minute. My change in personality and especially my attitude towards my parents have become that more different – more personal, more loving, more caring. I hope it keeps going. My parents are my backbone and thus get the brunt of my annoyance and irritation. The three days also marked some reunions which, well could have happened at a more happier event. I met most of my uncles and aunts who had come from Canada, Australia and England to attend the funeral. I was also surprised by the visit of my sister and her husband from England. I had not seen her for nearly 4 years and though surprised and delighted to see her at first, now I hope she goes back soon so that I can get my room back. We had to shift houses because of my father’s bankruptcy in late 2003 and thus the number of rooms, especially with A/C {and you do need this in the sub continent} has got smaller.

Thursday and Friday were usual days with a lot of “hanging out” with my cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, and sister. Talking about this gossip and that gossip, just like an average Sri Lankan would do, made me realize that well even tragerdies do have some kind of happiness. The main intruding topic was of course my grandmother’s life. People would go silent when my grandfather walked in but he would sometimes initiate it as well. Seems like the other hot topic these days is,” When is Thanesh getting married?”. Me being confused with my status of employment{As my sister put it yesterday – US employee, working for Chennai,India from an undisclosed location in Colombo, Sri Lanka – oh yes and no PAY!!!} – I think i can just go ahead and keep the marriage period postponed for some time. Rubbed into my sister, that she was getting fatter and of course the wagon party backed me up as my sister’s annoyance grew from sitting down looking dazed to beating the crap out of me. This had always been a symbolic gesture on our parts to show that we cared for each other – I annoy her and she beats me up.

Saturday was the last day of ceremonies for my grandmother’s soul to rest in peace. We had a pooja and they cooked a variety of dishes at my grandfather’s house. It varried from the classical dahl, brinjal, carrot curries – to delicious salads, potatoes and curds. Apparently this last day could be marked with some non-vegeatarian curries as well {I was very surprised by this fact but not the least bit disappointed by the food}. Crab, Cuttle Fish, Chicken, Fried Fish, Fried Prawns and Fried Chicken were the ONLY SIX varities on display and I tried them all. My brother in law and I had got attached{the previous day we both got sloushed on beers at home and my mother was kind enough to cook us sausages and chicken as bites while we were drinking – Yes I do have a lovely caring mother }, and he wanted to have a cigaratte after such a lovely meal. This led to a serious of “friendly and loving” confrontations between my sister and her husband. It was a weird feeling for my sister had become a mature girl now and I still treat her like a brat. {I had missed her wedding because I was on OPT in the USA workin with AMD for my company. Yes sad but this was a family decision}. The night was topped off with my brother in law and I going off to a pub to watch the England-Portugal Game. While Sri Lanka had beaten the crap out the English cricketers, I thought my favorite football team would fare better. Yes they lost again on penalties.

So, its been a fairly complex week. A week where retrospection seems to be the theme and will continue be for the next 2 weeks or so among my family members and especially I. I have realized one thing though from all this – Putting a child or son to rest in peace is the hardest and saddest feeling of all feelings, so when you do, I hope you have fullfilled all your duties as father or son, mother or daughter, for it will be last time you will ever see that smiling face again. I am going to try my level best, not just with my parents but with everyone I care about.