February, 2007

Ah the word – listen, as described by “Google define: ” would mean “heed: pay close attention to; give heed to; “Heed the advice of the old men”.An important aspect of my life which I am working on and something that i really need to conquer to reach some of my goals and ambitions. Lately i have been getting quite a bit of feedback from two individuals on how to get better at the process. I have obviously expressed my desire not to change my personality in any sort of way and the initial response was “Hmmm. Ok no probs”. I guess that is much better than “Ah well thats is going to be a problem”.
The main theme of the feedback seem to be – “Stop thinking while people are talking”. It goes without saying that I do think quite a bit when others are talking – sometimes to the relevant topic at hand, sometimes on how to respond and most of the time about that lovely girl I met the other day at the bar and who refused to look at me . It also has come to notice that I should pay close attention to the individual talking and absorbing all what he/she is saying. This seems to be my biggest obstacle because the intensity of my focus on a piece of conversation is rather low, especially if it does not include the opposite sex. Another major focus point is that I should not regurgitate the first thing that comes to mind. If processed correctly and indulged upon, the result set would be far better and more precise than the initial regurgitation. Again, I seem to lack this as well. First thing that comes to mind – first thing that comes out of my mouth – something like FIFO i guess – First In First Out!!!! It has also come to my attention that little tiny mistakes here and there add upto a huge sum in the long run. Thus a valuable lesson – prevent that from happening – start working on it NOW!!!
My major obstacle I feel is my personality itself – Quite talkative, absolutely annoying and spontaneous just during conversations and no other aspects of life seem to be quite the opposite ingredients that a good listener possesses. So after deliberating about it over some beer and a chat I have come to a conclusion that I will try to sell to some of the people I respect and see whether it seems credible enough to implement. I, of course, am adamant on not changing me and the bigger me too but just tiny aspects here and there. That needs to be taken into consideration during this requirements gathering/implementation phase. The issue at hand is “when is a good time to be a really good listener” – Does it apply at the cafeteria or does it seem better to store that focus and energy for something that could relate to a bigger issue at hand such as a business meeting or small team discussions? Now I am guessing I am going to really suck if I were to be a good listener all day and that can never be implemented. What I can try to do is add a small aspect to my before going to meeting routine or a team discussion I know is coming up. Usually i just take a couple of minutes to ponder over things and speeches if necessary for a quick minute or two. I can add the “conscious effort speech to listen” to this cycle. I probably need to be able to take a quick 10 second pause and get back into focus if I become consciously aware that I am not listening. This is something I tried with my lecturers in university. More often than not, I would nearly fall asleep at their barrage of words and I would have to remind myself that I am spending quite a lot of money to attend these sessions so I might as well listen and gather as much information as possible. Something along the same lines could be applied here as well I suppose.

Anyways, listening seems to be an important part of learning and improving but not at the expense of losing one’s identity. It should be assimilated into one’s personality without compromising the core assets and values that got that individual to where he/she is currently. Imagine if Kobe Bryant were to lose his clutch plays and shoots just because he wanted to pass the ball much more and help his teammates. Nah thats not possible but what Kobe is doing these days is integrating the passing game into his own style – That makes him a great learner of the game and a better team player. You know he is GREAT with or without it !!!!