November, 2008

He held the bottle tightly, remembering everything about her as he swallowed the wine, as if it had the healing powers he had imagined it to possess. Never so much pain, and he laughed. That thought just trickled on forever, he felt. Would it ever stop? He looked around to see whether anyone had been noticing him. The silent night seemed his only partner and as a small gust of wind passed by – he started crying inside again. Why could he not cry out aloud? Shame, fear, hurt, pain or the mere thought that if he cried inside – she would hear him. Was there ever an imaginary thread that could hold two people together, he wondered. He chuckled to himself as he saw a tear fall into the glass – the mere thought of such romantic fantasies should have been left to the television set. He wanted to tear himself apart – for the mistakes he had commited – but what were they? Had he cheated on her, had he played around, had he led her on – the answers to all those he knew were not one that she would believe. Or was he hurt by his unforgivable mistake of just trying to let her go. Hearing those words, none of which were spoken to him – yet words that mattered – the greatest crime of any kind – betraying the trust of someone he cared about as much as he could have cared. The words kept piercing him, letter by letter till he slide down the wall with his back, till he was on his knees. As the river flowed more graciously, he began to feel the word he did not want to hear himself – regret. A beautiful voice, a calming laugh, mind puzzling words and the constant reply of “NO” – it was all gone. It just happened and not it was not there anymore.

He clinched the glass tighter, and saw himself – reflected on a small prism – shone by the slightest moonlight – on the background of a dark red fluid – he still loved her.

She arrived, the prettiest thing that I had seen and it was worth the thousand miles I had traveled. I had wanted to spend the whole day with her and she had obliged, and all I wanted to do was just observe – her, her face, her eyes, her hair and just her. She sat quietly, not wanting to say anything but maybe wondering what she was doing there. I did not want to read her mind. Her presence was overwhelming enough and I began to grow a conscious awareness of my stalk-eyed glances. I think she knew it too.

The Coastal Highway was a remainder of why a convertible would have made more sense. But I reminded myself why between the balancing act of watching her hair brushed by winds and the constant silence that I wanted to embrace, I had chosen the latter. She turned around and smiled when we figured we were lost. I could not help but amuse myself with the notion that maybe I did not mind getting lost – with her. Another precious minute is more than what I had bargained for. She did not want to flirt but smiled, she did not want to be touched but held my hand for a lifetime of seconds, she did not want to glance but knew I was looking at her and most of all – she did not want to feel but I think she knew what I was feeling.

Lunch was a matter of choices. The first restaurant we arrived at was closed. I had to tease her about the  unknowns in her own surrounding. She was not very amused but tried to tackle me right out of my routine by questioning my judgement on directions. I had lost.  The Indian restaurant was a quiet place, just enough people to make sure the food was fresh but a tranquil ambient that allowed me to focus and hear her. We had ordered more than we had thought we could munch in and to relieve the pressure of too much food, I had to carve out some of my embarassing acts. A bicep contest between us judged by the waiter eventually led to a small but hearty laughter – I had hoped that the food got digested in the process. I was not sure.

{To be Continued …}

Stabbed, Strangled and Cut in pieces,

Even the waves cease as they sweep across my face.

Longing, Breathless and the Pleasure of whisper,

Bright rays heal and the mist shreds away.

Waiting For You…

Broken, Shattered and Battered down,

The blood drops down with pain much more than my own mind.

Dreaming, Wishing and Mostly Hope,

The world stops and a hand brushes my face.

Is that you?

“We hold these truths to be self-evident , that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

A NEW HOPE … A NEW ERA …. A NEW WORLD … A NEW PRESIDENT – YES WE CAN!!