What a Bitch of a Day?

You wake with hope, an idea of ecstasy to fill the air,
the long for belonging and to be belonged,
to know that nothing can happen to ever bring you down,
to feel that nothing could ever hurt you.

You wake up with a sense, it vibrates like no other,
smell, touch, taste, hear but not see,
but seeing is worth a thousand battles, and
maybe one day I would wake up to admire the splendor.

You wake up with tranquility, a peace of mind you never had before,
that you could remove all the worlds’ burdens from your chest,
just so that she can lie on it freely,
passionate and dreaming about whether I can care about anything else.

I woke up today,
Born again by feeling, that I can never control,
A hole that I had felt long ago, one that I patched and one that is worn,
Yet even if it opens up, I hope to wake up again and I hope the feeling,

Is not yet gone…..

A million words would not be able to describe,

How I feel about you at times…

A million years pass by and I hope I feel,

Just the same way when I dream of those beautiful eyes…

A hundred thousand women would walk on this earth,

Yet right now I feel that you are the prettiest in my world…

A hundred thousand times I would wonder what you think,

I doubt you will tell me, but I hope that some day you will…

A thousand times you would ask me not to think about you,

Every day goes by, and I wake up with what I thought last night,

And that’s you…

A thousand cruel words you might say and a thousand more,

So that you make sure you are clear,

But that sweet word I long for will vanish those thousand away…

A hundred breaths I would take to slow my beating heart,

Yet even on the slowest beat, I can hear it – your whisper, my love …

A hundred reasons you might give to stop me from courting you,

Yet I have a billion more to say, to stay with this feeling so true…

One second goes by; I am stilling thinking of you …

One more word and I feel like a life time is through …

One call in the morning and this life’s worth has been fulfilled and true …

One day, I hope you feel the same way as I do about you …

This is a series of interesting questions that are asked from me by an interesting friend. The questions and ideas all belong to my interesting friend, and maybe some day at this person’s permission, the name will be posted

Question For the Day

Then sun rises in the east and sets in the west. What does the moon do?

All answers are accepted.

Cheers.

Heart pounding, dimensions of the world unknown, he sat and waited patiently in a car he had only dreamt of never driving – a Toyota hybrid. The iphone sat next to him quietly and he wished it would shout out, so that he knew her presence was near. It was his dear friend though, because he rarely met her and it made sure that he could hear her voice loud and clear. AT & T’s new city was called Housportfrancolbai and it served its purpose. Looking behind, he saw the red symbol of his honest feeling, residing peacefully, waiting for its owner to whisk it away. He felt and hoped that the single sign would be enough to make her understand his true intentions, in its purest and meaningful form. “Can you ask a rose to do anything more?”, he thought to himself. Maybe, he chuckled to himself, he could ask it to never fade away, and then reflected again on his cheesy thought. Seconds seemed like years, and the usual vibrant, always on the run fool, was sitting patiently.

The strumming voice of the iPhone echoed out in the small car and he picked it up as it were pure gold about to melt in his hands and he had the sole power to save it. Responding quickly, he shifted gears and made way to the arrival lounge of the airport, in eager, earnest and his hands sweating. Swirling his head around, he looked for as if he had lost the most precious object in his life, and being in the smallest car in the world didn’t help his cause. After the quickest 4 minutes in the world, he caught of the sight, he was waiting to see – elegant, beautiful, and adorably wearing a kurtha. He caught sight of the lip gloss as well and had to deviate his mind to ensure that he was not fascinating about it – at least not till she was dropped home. He felt like he had to get down and open the car but the policeman standing beside the vehicle had the most “get out of here” face and he had to do the next best gentlemanly behavior – open the door for the lady from inside the car.

Her “hi” was just a squiggle of the hands as she was busy on the phone. Decreasing the volume, he began to admire her cute voice, the one that he would hear over his best utility. He wasn’t the fastest driver, and he did not mind having the quality right now. She hung up the phone and looked with a friendly smile. He knew there was nothing more in those eyes, or was there, he thought to himself. As the night poured in, he strolled out the hybrid onto the quiet roads of the hilly city. A wonderful car drive, he thought to himself, I hope this doesn’t fade away …

Genuine …

I want to genuinely bring your head,
lie it on my shoulders, and let you know that all your burdens are mine …

I want to genuinely hold your hands,
Let you know that I am here for you …

I want to genuinely kiss you cheeks,
Feel your thoughts and let you know – what you are thinking …

I want to genuinely admire your green eyes,
Hoping for a reflection of myself …

I want to genuinely smile at you,
Letting you know that I am thinking about you even when you are in front of me right there …

I want to genuinely hold you,
Wanting to recite words that I have never felt before …

I want to genuinely run my fingers through your long hair,
Admiring everything that comes across its path …

I want to stand in front of you genuinely naked …
Stripped of all my armor, possessions and everything I have …Just me …

I am genuine when I say …. I …I will be there for you …

And all I expect in return is …
One sweet genuine smile …..

-Thanesh Sadachcharan

define:innocence

Innocence is a term that describes the lack of guilt of an individual, with respect for a crime. It can also refer to a state of unknowing, where one’s experience is less than that of one’s peers, in either a relative view to social peers, or by an absolute comparison to a more common normative scale. In contrast to ignorance, it is generally viewed as a positive term, connoting a blissfully positive view of the world.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Innocence

define:creativity

One can define creativity as the mental phenomena, skills and/or tools capable of originating (and subsequently developing) innovation, inspiration or insight. Pop psychology generally may associate it with right or forehead brain activity or even specifically with lateral thinking.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creativity

Does innocence and creativity correlate in any form? What leads to creativity? Why is a child’s work examined in awe whereas the same work driven by an adult is thought to be average or foolish?

I was having a chat with my mentor and a colleague at work where the conversation revolved around reading books, examining one’s skill sets and the motivation/persuasion of success. My mentor, an advocate of reading, has consistently asked me to read and I have consistently not obliged to this move. First of all I am too lazy to read but another factor is that I feel I can google the answers that I am looking for. The third factor and some might call this foolish and utterly stupid is that I feel some books might lead to the deterioration of my creativity or have a “guilty conscience” feeling within me if I were to carry an idea forward from something I read in a book. It is even simple in a romantic setting, i.e. if I read a romantic novel and I display what I have read in an actual setting, I could see my ego within me being thrown out of the window and a feeling of dullness creeping in and a little bit of disappointment as well.

Maybe I am just confused with originality and creativity …Maybe i am indeed ….

A slow fading wave slipped through the air he was breathing. It was a sign of freshness that he had long waited for all his life. The feeling of belonging was nearing and he could see it. Tempted, but holding away he could neither smile nor express himself in anyway. Speechless on one hand but desiring to say all he could on the other, she was mesmerizing him. Unique, he thought to himself, for she not only had the sweetest smile he had ever seen but the most intriguing and mysterious gaze. He could paint her portrait, right there and then if only he had a stencil brush and a canvas. She tilted her head to the right to allow for a view of her face from a side where he could secretly admire the beautiful ear rings she was wearing. Sparkling diamonds were put to shame on her pretty face. She turned back and rolled her rings, and he wondered whether she was just bored or in plain misery for she was having dinner with him. He sat back and took the chance to admire her again, knowing that a few more minutes of silence and she might just get up and walk away……

Levels of desirability can be monitored and quantified on different aspects of life varying from your social ambitions to personal milestones with your partner. Some desirables come pretty easy, like what you want to have for lunch today or a movie you want to watch but there are certain other things in life that are pretty hard to desire. Dreaming on the other hand is easy – everyone dreams to do certain things in life but personally i feel desirability along with self motivation and luck take you along way. For example I have a dream of doing my MBA but recently i have noticed fluctuations in my desirability. I think motivation is not a factor here because it can be instantaneously engineered with an individual like myself but desirability is the key. I have noticed this sudden behavior with some other things in life as well, i.e. reading books, working out, buying a new car – all of which is telling me that I am not doing something right. Suddenly i realized that my desirability and motivation level hit a small high in the past few days and I think I know the reason why.

I feel that desirability in these aspects that I have noticed where fluctuation occurs and most of the time it seems to be hitting a pretty low mark is because of my social environment. Whenever I am around individuals whose intellectual capabilities are much stronger than mine or their energy to believe and desire certain things are high – it creates a resonance of sorts. The frequency that they think and believe and so highly hold their values and ambitions vibrates into the individuals around them. I have noticed this with only certain individuals and I guess we need to identify this among ourselves when we meet and socialize with individuals whether we can be on a “desirable energetic” frequency with them. From the beginning of my career I guess I can count with one hand the individuals whom I think if around me all the time during work, could easily push me to levels of excellence. I guess sometimes this has to do with impressing the folks, just like what you would do in school – trying to impress the professor but most of the time it is because of the high standards that they set for themselves, the way they interact, their communication skills and the way they carry themselves in their life. This is not to say that I lack motivation and I believe most of the time I am pushing myself, but after having watched the movie “Idiocracy” – I believe that you will only reach a certain level in any aspect of life depending on your social environment and the desirability that surrounds you. i.e. – I want to buy a BMW car but everyone around me has a nice 1997-2000 Toyota/Honda model – my desirability is low but when my VP comes from Austin in his cool Volvo convertible – it hits a high and I want my BMW. Another example, I want to set high standards and think about implementation scenarios, strategies for future projects but everyone around me is keen on just getting the work done but I am sure if my ex PMs {there is more than one but i believe only 2 have my highest respect} was here I would be thinking differently.

Anyways, I hope I did not get off topic there for a while. The point is make sure you surround yourself with people who have the next level of thinking, motivation, intellectuality and most of all the desire to succeed in everything they do. It takes you to that next level of your game. This can be with a mate you hit the bars to meet a few nice ladies{i am sure you do not want to go with a guy who is keen on just getting plain drunk and standing alone talking to himself} or playing a sport – or just thinking.

Cheers,

Ah the word – listen, as described by “Google define: ” would mean “heed: pay close attention to; give heed to; “Heed the advice of the old men”.An important aspect of my life which I am working on and something that i really need to conquer to reach some of my goals and ambitions. Lately i have been getting quite a bit of feedback from two individuals on how to get better at the process. I have obviously expressed my desire not to change my personality in any sort of way and the initial response was “Hmmm. Ok no probs”. I guess that is much better than “Ah well thats is going to be a problem”.
The main theme of the feedback seem to be – “Stop thinking while people are talking”. It goes without saying that I do think quite a bit when others are talking – sometimes to the relevant topic at hand, sometimes on how to respond and most of the time about that lovely girl I met the other day at the bar and who refused to look at me . It also has come to notice that I should pay close attention to the individual talking and absorbing all what he/she is saying. This seems to be my biggest obstacle because the intensity of my focus on a piece of conversation is rather low, especially if it does not include the opposite sex. Another major focus point is that I should not regurgitate the first thing that comes to mind. If processed correctly and indulged upon, the result set would be far better and more precise than the initial regurgitation. Again, I seem to lack this as well. First thing that comes to mind – first thing that comes out of my mouth – something like FIFO i guess – First In First Out!!!! It has also come to my attention that little tiny mistakes here and there add upto a huge sum in the long run. Thus a valuable lesson – prevent that from happening – start working on it NOW!!!
My major obstacle I feel is my personality itself – Quite talkative, absolutely annoying and spontaneous just during conversations and no other aspects of life seem to be quite the opposite ingredients that a good listener possesses. So after deliberating about it over some beer and a chat I have come to a conclusion that I will try to sell to some of the people I respect and see whether it seems credible enough to implement. I, of course, am adamant on not changing me and the bigger me too but just tiny aspects here and there. That needs to be taken into consideration during this requirements gathering/implementation phase. The issue at hand is “when is a good time to be a really good listener” – Does it apply at the cafeteria or does it seem better to store that focus and energy for something that could relate to a bigger issue at hand such as a business meeting or small team discussions? Now I am guessing I am going to really suck if I were to be a good listener all day and that can never be implemented. What I can try to do is add a small aspect to my before going to meeting routine or a team discussion I know is coming up. Usually i just take a couple of minutes to ponder over things and speeches if necessary for a quick minute or two. I can add the “conscious effort speech to listen” to this cycle. I probably need to be able to take a quick 10 second pause and get back into focus if I become consciously aware that I am not listening. This is something I tried with my lecturers in university. More often than not, I would nearly fall asleep at their barrage of words and I would have to remind myself that I am spending quite a lot of money to attend these sessions so I might as well listen and gather as much information as possible. Something along the same lines could be applied here as well I suppose.

Anyways, listening seems to be an important part of learning and improving but not at the expense of losing one’s identity. It should be assimilated into one’s personality without compromising the core assets and values that got that individual to where he/she is currently. Imagine if Kobe Bryant were to lose his clutch plays and shoots just because he wanted to pass the ball much more and help his teammates. Nah thats not possible but what Kobe is doing these days is integrating the passing game into his own style – That makes him a great learner of the game and a better team player. You know he is GREAT with or without it !!!!

This is a phrase that every coder/devloper probably needs to brainwash themselves. Something that my new project manager told me after a brief chat with him. Too many times have I got into a mess because I am looking at problems in the most complicated of manners. I guess that kinda represents my personality – give me an extremely hard problem and I might solve it but give me 1+1= and I would go nuts thinking about whether the number 1 actually denotes the amount of one, its history, why did they name it one as one and not one as two and all kinda crap.

Anyways moral of the story is that keep things simple and try not to fuck around too much in the head. You usually end up with good and better results.

Cheers,